Seriously what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm fucking miserable all the time. Sure I can pretend to be fine. Its been then having everyone going are you ok whats wrong. I hate that. Lets see hmmm what could possibly be wrong. My whole life just keeps getting more and more fucked up. I'm tired of all the bull shit. I need someone to be here. Not when its convenient. Not just when you need or want something. How bout when I need something? Does that even matter? So what if its something that you think is stupid. Life is so much better when I'm not here, when I'm not around this place or these people. I need...something. I'm just not sure what. But what can I really do? Give in and be who they want? Thats just not like me. And I've tried it before, it never works out too well in the end. But I'm just so tired of fighting. I'm so tired of struggling for every little thing. I just want something to be easy for once. Like when I hang out with Jenna. Doing stupid shit like ghost hunting with a bunch of people. Thats just so....easy. I don't have to to try so hard. I can just be me and chill and not worry about everything. You know that was the first night in a long time where I wasn't worried about every little fucking thing going on. I just smiled and laughed and had fun. And it was great. And what does that mean? What does that say about me? I just want it to be easy for once. Just for a little while. I'm tired of fighting everyone for anything. But really theres nothing anyone can do. I tried getting away, Jenna and I went camping that one time. Yet it was all still there. Fuck my parents even came to visit. Nothings ever fucking good enough. Everythings just so hard. I want a break from it all. How do I do that? How do I get things to be easier? Nothing works. Go ahead, tell me it will get better. Tell me I just have to keep trying. You know what? That's all I've heard my whole life and nothings ever gotten better. Some days.....some days I think I should of just let go. It really wouldn't of been that hard to just let the darkness slip in and take me away for good. You know I have these scars on my wrist because I didn't plan on making it far enough to have scars. Maybe I shouldn't of made it this far....

My dummy face dad broke the computer. I'm gonna be off-line for a while. I usualy check everybody whom I'm watching stuff everyday and generaly I comment. Can't for awhile. Sorry Rikki. I miss you girly.

Christine

Hey all! I just wrote my first poem in about a year I think! Do me a favor, check it out and tell me what ya think!!! Tanky all!! I'm really glad to be back. It feels great to write again!!!!

Life seems to be a black abyss these days. not a glimmer of light touches my eyes. its a darkness that of a cavern. empty and bleak are my insides. not the faintest of hopes crosses my mind. My eyes are dry, no more tears left to cry. my blood runs black in my veins. i see no colors around me, only that of a cloudy midnight sky, no stars or moon in sight.

Hey all!!! I just wanna let you guys know I didn't forget about you!!!! My computer is brokedededededededed!!! I am SO SORRY I haven't been around! If anyone happens to want to get ahold of me you can e-mail me at equinegirl_15@yahoo.com . I can get to that at the library, just no where else cause everything is freakin blocked. Damn library!!!!
LOVE YOU!!!!
*Christine*